Diabetes & Lows

Today's low, at work, just as I call for lunch, and I feel the slide. Unless you have felt the slide you won't understand it, I know I wouldn't have before diabetes, never the less I will endeavor to describe it. My body tightens up inside, from my neck muscles all the way down to my calf muscles, they tighten. But in my shoulders I feel the strange tightness that verges on shaking. And then my vision goes, becoming tunnel vision. My peripherial is gone and I don't focus on anything which is why it is good to have sugars in a specific area. At the heart of the reaction though is the lack of thought, the body and mind go into filling one specific need, sugar. Everything around me becomes irrelevant, eating neatly goes out the window, I just need whatever it is that I am going to put in my mouth, down my throat, into my belly, opened and in my hand. My shoulders are still tight. My vision still skewed. The scene is a total catastrophe. Wrappers and bottles lay strewn around me. Oh yeah, the sweat. Every pore on my body sweats. My hair stands on end from where I have shoved it out of my eyes. My clothes (all but the essentials to keep me decent) lay in piles around me. And I eat, and I drink, and I take a breath, and repeat. No thoughts,

And I think I think I've eaten enough, waiting for the sugar to kick in, its been 15 minutes. I watch my shaky hands pull out my tester, thanking God that they have made these things to where they take smaller and smaller amounts of blood, surely I can squeeze a tiny drop out of my over used fingertips I think. I forget in this moment that my blood flows like water in this state, that a small squeeze will produce a flow of blood. I get the blood in the strip and lick the flow from my finger. Once again forgetting that the flow will continue at this level and I now have blood on other fingers and the tester. I have only risen 20 points. And now I have tight shoulders, sweaty body, and I am freezing. As I reach for more sugar I also reach for my sweater or a blanket. Vision still crap. I close my eyes as I try to inhale more sugar. My body is so hungry, ravenous. Its as if I could eat a cow at this point, but not a sweet one. My belly is starting to ache from the sugar and at the same time be gnawing in hunger.

I clench the wrapper of some Little Debbie cake in my hand and ask for help to get regular food, fast food, I need chicken strips, I need to be able to stuff the food in my mouth. On the way the hunger turns into something that needs a huge double cheeseburger, large order of fries with cheese sauce, and liquid to wash it down. I am about 25 to 30 minutes into it now. My shoulders aren't nearly so tight, but the hunger has me in its grip. The vision and ability to think clearly is still gone. I simply eat, one bite after another after another. Forty-five minutes into it and I start to level out. I feel all of my muscles loosen up, my vision returns, and my lungs take a deep breath, and my vision clears. I can start to think again. I test again and my numbers are back to normal.

Now begins the aftermath. Nausea comes first, I feel the heat of my belly through my throat. Sometimes movement is good to dispel it, other times its not. Often I have to regurgitate some of what I ate, today I don't. Next is exhaustion. I need sleep because I am completely worn out not to mention it brings on a bit of an anxiety attack which also makes me want to curl into a ball and sleep I sleep for about two hours. When I wake up my belly hurts and the thought of food makes me nauseous again. And I am thirsty, so thirsty. I normally drink coffee (decaf) until 5:00 pm, then switch to diet caffeine free pop (soda). On days like this my tummy can't handle the carbonation and I want drink mixes in a tall glass of water. Tonight it is raspberry by Wylers. More please. I won't cook because I might throw up, it's definitely a fend-for-yourself night. I may snack right before bed. I will more than likely be a slug for the rest of the night but will wake up fine in the morning. So goes a diabetic low. At least I haven't been having panic attacks with them in the last few month, but that's a story for another time.