Diabetes & Me

This morning I woke up with a high blood sugar. And at lunch I had a low after taking some fast acting with my long acting insulin. Let me give you some background about my diabetes.

I was diagnosed with Type 1, insulin dependent diabetes when I was 28 years old. I was about four months pregnant with my son. While trying to get it under control I had a nurse who treated me like a book or a robot. At that time I was on NPH and Humalog. I had severe highs and lows. She had me calling in daily with my readings and adjusting my insulin accordingly. Still I had sever highs and lows. I was not enjoying my pregnancy at all, which made me depressed, and I felt scatter brained a lot from the sugar swings. Well my independent in control self rebelled after a while and I refused to see or talk to her anymore. My OB-GYN agreed to monitor my sugar. I truly like and appreciate my OB-GYN she is honest, straight-forward, and treats me as an individual. The birth of my son wasn't easy, a bit scary if I do say so, and I do (my mother would agree). During the next year I go on Lantus and Humalog. Still having big swings. Then on Mother's Day of that year I have a rather severe low which terrifies me. I start not wanting to take insulin at all. I try to control my eating, going basically no carbohydrates to try to keep from taking an. Then I go into melt down and for a day stop taking all insulin. Not smart. Not smart at all. A hospital stay later and I am back on my long acting insulin. But the problem is the fear hasn't receded, if anything I now have a fear of highs too. I have huge anxiety attacks about both highs and lows. I become obsessed with ketone strips and checking my sugars constantly. What keeps me in this anxiety state are moments like waking up from a nap with my 18 month old son and shaking and sweating so badly that I am laying on the floor beside him, with my mom on the phone, trying to keep me calm while I try to shove crackers down my throat. Needless to say I am not to this day a healthy diabetic, as I write this it makes me sad when one nurse could mistreat me so badly. When the whole system still has not given me a comprehensive treatment plan. They don't take into account daily activity, types of carbs, etc... They have me on a higher dose of long acting than I know I need because if I don't eat a meal or delay one, I have a low sugar reaction. I still get up in the middle of the night to eat because of all of the nights when they were increasing my doses that I woke up to stumble to the kitchen sweating and shaking looking for any kind of sugar to pour down my throat.

So back to today, I am now taking baby steps with insulin. Whereas I wouldn't put fast acting in my body for a few years, I am now taking 1-3 units depending on my numbers. This morning I thought to myself, my doctor would want me to take at least one unit. I did. I was a half hour late eating lunch, and guess what, a low. Yep. I begin my lunch with a couple of doughnuts and a cinnamon roll, feeling my sugar continue to drop, but force myself to then eat my regular lunch and wait an half an hour. Yes, it is back up by 50 points. Will I let this set me back, no, I just won't take any fast acting at that number anymore. Baby steps.